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MJ is a fictional character with true stories to tell. In camera ruling prohibits the publishing of the true identities of participants.
Something different this week. I think enough tears have been shed and for those cowering in the corners, here is a little ray of hope, something to look forward to. MJ has been smiling a little lately. I got to know him last year. A decent man who fought his demons, gave up drinking and is slowly getting his life back together.
Story starts a score or more years ago. He was happily married and followed a fairly ordinary path of life. Work from morning till evening. Have a pint or two, go home, eat and sleep. I’d say that has been seen as a norm for years. What he did not see was the cracks that were beginning to appear in his family life. One thing I have to state and what people find hard to realize. Where there are cracks, if you do not repair them properly, something else will fill them up and more often than not that is trouble. I am not going to joke about mothers in law but merely make a statement. MJ’s mother in law walked in with drums and trumpets while he was not there. It did not help that she lived next door. MJ’s wife as I know was a lovely but meek person, easily influenced by her family. The term was is used because she passed away last year.
MJ is blessed with daughters and a son. Sadly he missed out on their upbringing because he saw his role as the provider and nothing else. His upbringing taught him to be a MAN. Being a father is not easy when you don’t know any better. His daughter will put him to sleep when he had too many cool liquid comforters. His missed out and so did they. The priceless love that a father can share with his children was lost somewhere along the lines. Him being a man of few words did not help. All his feelings and emotions buried deep inside where no one can reach, did not help.
One day the crunch came. His wife could not take it any more and the advice that was coming from all quarters dictated that they split up. MJ was devastated. For the first time he was facing something that he never had to face before. Loss of everything that he took for granted. Wife, children and home. That was a shock to his system. He gave up drinking to save his marriage. No good, the damage was done. The human locusts had destroyed what little he had sown in the field of life. Everyone was hurt. Children who loved their father, father who was waking up to the reality of life and the long suffering wife who by now was having health problems. But the mother in law and the in laws reigned supreme. Even though they tried to get back together, it was too late.
Judicial separation took place, he left home, without a whimper and signed over whatever was put in front of him. Sadly last year his wife passed away. That’s when he came to see me.
Sometimes its the simple things in life you miss most. We talked and talked. As he told me he could never talk to anyone the way he opened up to me. He told me his fears, his regrets, his loss, his fears and anything else he could think of. It took a lot of effort and convincing for him to visit his wife’s grave. He spoke to her like never before and is at peace now. Why o why do we not talk to each other any more. Does it have to be extreme circumstances that would bring us closer and be at peace with each other.
The reason I wanted to bring this story to you is, he is just experiencing what I have had all my life. The love of my children. His fear of losing his children is gone. The hugs he gets from his children are priceless. They don’t look so tired any more and more often than not have smiles on their faces. God love them, look what they all missed out on. It will take time to build bridges but the signs are good. He is learning fast how to be a good father and take on the responsibility of being a parent. Guess what, he is thriving on it. He is still in pain but now has something to look forward to. It seems like I will have to teach him how to cook as well.
The moral of the story is, given half a chance even the very worst men can be good parents but the operative word being, given a chance. So why should the incompetence and the reluctance of hierarchy be a constant source of mental anguish and destruction to the ones they were elected to serve and protect. I think there is plenty to think about and act upon. Would you not agree. I for one always love happy endings. Well there is no fool like an old fool. That’s me and I am proud of it. Always the one admiring and chasing rainbows.
God help us all!