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‘Fathers’ groups are not ‘anti-woman’
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: letters@galwayadvertiser.ie
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20 October 2006
Dear Editor,
I refer to Nuala Ní Chonchúir’s letter printed in your paper of September 28, which in turn referred to a letter printed in your paper from Sam Butt of the Fathers for Equality and Justice organisation of September 21.
I must take issue with Ms Ní Chonchúir’s interpretation of Sam Butt’s letter and her interpretation of the facts.
In Irish society, it’s a sad fact that relationships break down. There is rarely a winner in such situations, and when there are children involved they are always the likely losers. Many couples are able to sort out their differences and agree on how to manage their children in the future.
Unfortunately, many couples, because of the deterioration of their relationship, are not able to do that. Ireland has progressed as a nation in the last 20 years. Thankfully, modern fathers now take active roles in the upbringing of their children. They take enjoyment from looking after their children, not just during the fun days, but also in the middle of the night when children are frightened or sometimes sick. This is simply modern parenting.
But given the progression of Irish society, and the achievements of women in securing equality, why? Why do the Irish courts rely on law that should be buried in the past? There is a complete absence of legislation to support parents of children who are experiencing marital/ partnership breakdown.
Judges do not make any assessment of cases. Instead, all too easily, fathers are branded wife beaters, branded as violent men, alcoholics, and yes, barring orders are issued all too easily because the justice system is simply under resourced to make an informed decision. ‘Father’ becomes a dirty word in the family court. Why must mothers be given custody of the children in over 95 per cent of cases? Well, because traditionally, that was the right thing to do, but surely not any more.
As women, we have had to campaign hard for what we have, and men have had to adjust. But is it right to take our revenge on the fathers of the modern era because of the failings of fathers in the past?
Mothers heading into court can avail of ample support from a variety of well organised women’s groups. These organisations are invaluable to women, and deserve the funding, (several million euro) given to them by the Government. But wouldn’t this money be better used in trying to improve our family courts and the traumatic process that fathers, mothers, and children are dragged through?
In the interim, without any Government or public funds of any kind, Sam Butt ploughs a lone furrow assisting and advising fathers. As I understand it, the organisation survives on an occasional voluntary contribution and the personal commitment of Sam Butt.
I have met with Sam Butt and believe that he is an astonishing committed gentleman. In no way, is he ‘anti-women’. He offers support to fathers, but also to the father’s family. Following the breakdown of my brother’s marriage, I saw him devastated, and my heartbroken mother cut off from her grandchildren. Sam was a wonderful support.
Fathers need support, just like there are many good and deserving organisations helping women, an organisation is needed to offer support and advice to fathers who are experiencing a relationship breakdown.
This is what Sam Butt and Fathers for Equality and Justice does.
I salute him.
Yours sincerely,
Name and address with editor. RS
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Galway Advertiser September 14, 2006
‘Recognise the resolution role of women’
Dear Editor,
An important shift in social policies, approved by the whole cabinet, took place on July 5 – the Sub-Committee on Social Inclusion announced a plan to remove of parental allowance from 80,000 single mothers, partially when their children reach eight years, and completely when the children are 12 (these ages have yet to be confirmed).
Mothers will thus be forced to take up education, training or work opportunities. This is an idea emanating from the USA. Other countries (Norway for example) have tried this and it has failed. A recent report from America (in the Journal of Sociology & Social Welfare) concludes that an attempt to achieve a better life for one-parent families has simply resulted in increasing the pressures upon them and has generated new areas of dysfunction, while totally ignoring the principle that parents who have time to be parents perform a vital role in a successful and harmonious society.
Mothers must have a choice. The election looms. This policy will not be debated in the Dail until next month at least. There is still time for the government to be made to realize that they have blundered as badly as Garret Fitzgerald did when he attempted to tax children’s shoes.
Ironically, at the BA Science Festival in Dublin, a speaker on the subject of war pointed out that male psychology, responding strongly to threat, found it important to find an enemy to “bond people together”. In this case the enemy will be the lone mothers, coupled with the necessity for competition in the global market, which demands continuous replacement of burnt-out workerfodder.
Sisters and brothers, to hell with this sort of thinking, it is antagonistic and divisive, and can only lead to internal psychological war among us.
Last month we carried out an experiment in Shop Street; we sought signatures to a petition to Kofi Annan, asking the UN to convene an emergency meeting of women’s groups from all over the world to ensure that women should be accorded their rightful share in all combat-solving negotiations; thereby to let the women of the world confront the nations of the world.
Our petition got a lot of support, and we received a reply from Mr Annan’s office, thanking us, and suggesting that the way forward is to lobby Ireland’s Ambassador to the UN. For anyone interested in furthering the twin campaigns of Women at the UN and the Lone-Parent Allowance, we shall have a stall out in Shop Street from the first week of October. Contact me –
Margaretta D’Arcy,
Women in Media & Entertainment,
10 St Bridget’s Place Lower, Galway.
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Galway Advertiser September 21, 2006
‘Feminists get ready for the election’
Dear Editor,
With reference to ‘Recognise the resolution role of women’ this reminds me of Questions and Answers on RTE on Monday night where a woman clad as someone from the Middle East, head and face covered, but with a broad accent of a born and bred Dub, asked the panel by now a familiar question that has become the war cry of all warring women’s groups and has given many women and some men careers which they are loathe to let go.
What about more funding and help with the issue of domestic violence against women?
And now this, probably the first salvo by the feminists as the election looms large on the horizon. I wonder what Messrs Frank Fahey, Michael D, Noel Grealish, and Niall O Brolcháin must be thinking. I am sorry I excluded the formidable and extremely vocal Ms Collette Connolly and Ms Catherine Connolly. The political stage would not be the same without the full cast.
Is this not what they have been afraid of for the past decade or so, not to disturb the hornet’s nest for fear of losing their seats or a similar fear of not being able to win one? Women’s votes, for the men are deemed too lazy to vote.
Hands up anyone who has the slightest inkling of how our family system works and how many do know the power wielded by the women’s lobbies, especially where our family justice system and the social welfare system is concerned? I can guarantee the sum total of the knowledge possessed by the populace on the said subject won’t feed a turkey.
‘Mothers must have a choice’. ‘The election looms’. Now there is a threat if ever there was one. Politicians take note. The in camera rule has prevented the press from reporting what transpires in the family court. If only the truth be known I wonder if guys will burn their facial hair or their boxer shorts and come out in droves, to protest against the treatment handed down to mostly decent men to appease the such women’s lobbies.
I think they just might, if they ever found out the whole truth.
False allegations, protection/ barring orders on tap, no fear of retribution for proven perjury, maintenance payments, property and inheritance, lone parents allowances, medical card and numerous other benefits in their favour, just because one happens to be a woman. There is seldom a mention of this person being a decent parent, just woman.
Eighty-five percent of council housing is allocated to single mothers. The same very estates described by many a garda as a black hole, mostly unfairly. More social problems than the rest of the city put together. I can go on and on but won’t.
Then the portrayal of women as someone who provides fodder for the work place to replace the burnt out ‘worker fodder’. What a disgraceful expression of sentiment towards the institution of motherhood. I wonder how many women have treated the whole letter with utter contempt and distanced themselves from the sentiments stated.
One day these so called woman warriors or feminists as they were once known will acknowledge what the rest of us already know, that they are an active ingredient for the destruction of a family that we once knew. In the meantime I would encourage the politicians to come out and openly declare that women are equal in all walks of life and shall have equal opportunities, in law. No more, no less.
I eagerly hold my breath for the first ‘female builder’s cleavage’ on a building site. Typical man I hear. The ears are burning.
Yours,
Sam Butt, Fathers for Equality and Justice,
6a Joyce House, Tuam Road, Galway.
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Galway Advertiser September 28, 2006
‘Warrior man’s language promotes inequality’
Dear Editor,
It is unfortunate that the spokesperson for a group called ‘Fathers for Equality and Justice appears to be a misogynist (Sam Butt’s letter of September 21). Mr Butt resents those who lobby for funding to tackle domestic violence against women; he uses the term ‘feminist’ as a pejorative, and refers to feminists as ‘woman warriors’.
He also takes issue with Margaretta D’Arcy, who in the previous week’s letters page called for a choice for single mothers whose allowances are to be cut, forcing them into the workplace and deeper poverty. How can that be good for any child?
Mr Butt further claims that the Family Court is weighted in favour of women, handing out ‘protection/ barring orders on tap…just because one happens to be a woman’. No judge hands out a barring order without good reason. There are problems with the court and social welfare systems in Ireland. There are bad mothers just as there are bad fathers; and there are those couples who can separate amicably, as there are those who can’t.
But, if Mr Butt truly wanted justice and equality–as the name of the organisation he represents suggests – he would want it for both men and women, and in turn for children. Might I suggest that he change the name of his group to ‘Parents for Justice and Equality’ and rethink his ‘warrior man’ attitude towards women.
Yours,
Nuala Ní Chonchúir, Old Mountpleasant,
Ballinasloe, Co Galway.